Want to reduce stress? Stop waiting for ‘the perfect moment’
We have all said to ourselves: “When things calm down, I’ll have less stress.” Unfortunately, this isn’t true. Thoughts like these give us the illusion that peace, success and happiness are waiting for us in the future, as soon as an obstacle has been removed. But this is a lie, and it impacts what we want to do but ultimately hold back on. Stop waiting and break the vicious cycle with our five steps, so make sure to keep reading!
The ‘When-X-then-Y’ thinking
This line of thinking has a name: ‘When-X-then-Y’ thinking. The idea is simple: once X (the stress factor) is resolved, then Y (inner peace, happiness, success) can finally be achieved. Think of thoughts like: “Once this project is finished, I can finally relax,” or “When I get this promotion, I’ll start eating healthier.” Sound familiar?
While this logic may seem tempting, it often leads to disappointment and procrastination. Because as soon as one obstacle is removed, another almost always takes its place. Work pressure may ease, but a new project or unexpected crisis will invariably come your way. Instead of finding peace, you keep telling yourself that it will happen ‘later’. The result? You postpone what you really want to do because you’re constantly waiting for the perfect moment. Spoiler alert: that moment will not come.
How often have you heard yourself say: “I really should start on that assignment now, but I’ll wait until things calm down,” or “I want to spend more time with my family, but first I have to finish this project”?
The biggest problem with ‘When-X-then-Y’ thinking is that it places your goals in the future, dependent on external factors that you cannot (fully) control. You make your success, productivity or well-being reliant on circumstances beyond your control. This leads to frustration because you have no control over the situation. Instead of living and acting in the present, you remain in a constant state of ‘waiting’. This not only leads to procrastination but also feeds stress and a sense of helplessness.
Another problem with this way of thinking is that the idea of ‘X’ (the stress factor) is always changing. Once you overcome one challenge, a new one inevitably arises. You finish one deadline and another is already on your plate. The to-do list may seem to shrink, but it quickly gets replenished. This means that the perfect moment to start doing what you really want will likely never come. You remain trapped in a cycle of waiting, without making actual progress toward your goals. Nobody likes to be stuck in a vicious circle, but that is often the reality without realising it.
What’s stopping you?
What’s holding you back from doing what you want? Often, we think it’s external circumstances, like work, lack of time or stressful situations. But in reality, the answer lies within us. You may be afraid of failure, struggling with perfectionism or simply wanting to stay in your comfort zone. These internal barriers are often the real reason you’re not doing what you actually want to do. ‘When-X-then-Y’ thinking comforts us because it gives us an excuse not to take action. We think that as soon as circumstances improve, we’ll naturally get moving. But in reality, the power to act lies in the present, regardless of external conditions.
Break the vicious circle
The only way to avoid getting stuck in this pattern is to let go of waiting for the perfect moment and choose to take action, even if it feels like the circumstances aren’t ideal. The power lies in the present, and you have much more control over your thoughts and actions than you may realise.
To help you on your way, here are five steps you can take to break this vicious cycle:
- Recognize patterns of procrastination. Be aware of how often you tell yourself that you’ll work on something later. Write down those thoughts and be honest about how frequently they pop up.
- Change your mindset. Instead of thinking you need to solve external obstacles first, ask yourself: “What can I do now, despite the challenges present?” This shifts the control from external factors to your own behaviour.
- Set small, achievable goals. You don’t have to solve everything at once. Start with small steps toward your goal, even if it seems like the circumstances aren’t perfect. Remember: in reality, they never are.
- Embrace the idea that new challenges will always exist. Life will never be completely stress-free. The art is learning how to cope with that stress, rather than waiting for it to disappear. Otherwise, you’ll keep on waiting.
- Stay in the moment. The future is uncertain, but what you can do now is concrete. Make conscious choices to focus on what you can achieve today, instead of waiting for a better future. Go for it!
‘When-X-then-Y’ thinking is a common mental trap that prevents us from doing what we really want. We tell ourselves that we will take action once ‘the perfect moment’ arrives, but in reality, life is full of challenges that constantly follow one another. In other words: that ‘perfect moment’ is not coming. The only way to break this vicious circle is to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.
The ball is in your court
Choose action, regardless of the circumstances. The perfect moment does not exist. What you do now is what matters. So the real question is: what step can you take today to get closer to your goals, despite the obstacles in your way?
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